Dear Friends & Family, we don’t know yet: Wedding Edition
Whenever we think of a bride in the spring of her engagement, we are bombarded with the images of happiness, love, and excitement. The groom popped the question, she said yes, and in less than 24 hours she is expected to answer the following questions: “When’s the wedding? Have you booked a venue? DRESS SHOPPING, when, where, time???” She is freshly engaged and we expect her to have all the answers, believing with all our might in the societal “truth” that she has been planning this moment all her life. The truth, as it happens, looks a little different.
I remember eight years ago exactly what happened after my engagement was announced. I was bombarded with all the questions and when I couldn’t answer, it was “Well, what are you waiting for?” All I kept thinking was, “Can I enjoy this moment before having to plan everything?!!?!” It made me wish we had not announced anything until the wedding was at least halfway planned!
After that experience and being on the other side now for 10 years, helping brides actually plan for their wedding, this is the image of what we’ve seen happens 24 hours after the news breaks out of an engagement: picture a woman overwhelmed with everything that she has going on in her regular daily life, all of society’s expectations on what a bride looks like, trying to celebrate one of the happiest occasions ever (her engagement), and having all the answers to all the questions her dear friends and family might have in less than 24 hours. A frazzled, omg-thereissomuchtodo-wheredowebegin-deerintheheadlightslook, holding a venti nonfat, almond milk latte with four pumps of caramel and a wedding planning book she bought on sale at her local bookshop, that's the picture.
Being engaged and planning your wedding SHOULD be an enjoyable experience. Waiting until the wedding day to finally relax and enjoy the day isn’t what the planning stage should lead to. “I would’ve enjoyed my engagement more if our families would’ve stopped asking us so many questions and actually celebrated with us. Instead, I just felt pressured to make appointments and schedule dress appointments the following day. I didn’t know what I wanted, we hadn’t even discussed what we wanted (for wedding day), and our families already wanted us to know.” said one of our brides.
If you are a bride recently engaged, feel free to tell all the family and friends, “Please be with us in this moment, celebrate this step with us.” If you are part of the bridal squad, celebrate this step with them and don’t trigger rapid fire questions within the first 48-72 hours. “We had a friend who noticed how anxious both my fiance and I were feeling, that she told everyone to stop and then told us that when we were ready to share our next steps, that they would all be there for us. It felt like such a relief to us because immediately the questions stopped and the focus went back to celebrating the real reason we were there, our engagement.”
Families and friends, we say this with love, hold questions until further notice!